T-Breaks and Clarity

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T-Breaks and Clarity

I haven't taken a tolerance break from weed in over 10 years. 

This one only came about because I was moving and had to pack my stash away, combined with the fact that I didn't have the time to stop and enjoy a sesh. I didn't even realize I hadn't smoked till day two when I was experiencing anxiety at a more intense level and feeling nauseous. 

So, as any reasonable person would, I decided to ride out my sobriety for a few more days.

Up until then, I was smoking multiple times a day. And if I'm being honest I can't say I was getting a good high. I was smoking out of habit. In and out of the house; between writing, packing, and living.

Day 3 was probably the worst of it. Emotions were at a high, and I was at a low. I had a full-blown panic attack and was up ‘til 5 in the morning. Eyes wide open. I was unbelievably nauseous and sad.

But I was stubborn at this point and annoyed that I felt this terrible. Was this just because I stopped consuming weed? My rational mind said no, but I also realized that I should probably learn to deal with these feelings without running to pot. 

I was diagnosed with a panic disorder last year to accompany the mild general anxiety and depressive disorder I already live with. Insomnia is an annoying side effect of it all that comes in and out of my life.

I take a super low dose of prescription drugs for it daily, but weed also helps with all these things. And I've been mixing both for the last two years.

Before judgment is cast, I do talk to all my doctors about this. So, although they don't condone it, we all know the truth.

By day 3, I started to recognize why I cling so tightly to the herb.

Not only has cannabis become a career-borderlining-a-personality-trait, but it's been the only constant in my life. When all else fails, I can always consume a little ganja and move on to the next step in life.

Otherwise, I'm constantly ruminating on bullshit that doesn't move me forward but keeps me up at night, cemented in 'how comes' and 'what ifs.' 

And here I was again. Sober and crying. 

I hadn't been that low in a while.

But days 4-9 weren't too bad, honestly. Once I realized I was detoxing and was firm in that I wanted to see how I'd feel as the days went on, I started to focus on how I was feeling. 

The best parts about being sober (I didn't drink during these 9 days either) were the following:

  1. Clarity. Not so much from a philosophical perspective but in eyesight and general mental well-being. Your eyes do lower when you're high, and it's almost like having a haze around your vision and cognitive perspective, so it was cool to be clear.
  2. Energy. I didn't zone out into the abyss as much as I do when I'm stoned. That was cool. I enjoyed buzzing from one task to the next.
  3. Saving money. Consuming weed costs money, even if I get a plethora of free samples. Shopping at dispensaries is like shopping at Target for me.
  4. No munchies. I was way less snacky. Small meals did the trick, and I craved healthy food a lot.

The worst parts about being sober…

  1. Nausea. I was in a constant state of thinking I was going to throw up, but I never did.
  2. Mental stress. Man, when I don't have a vice like weed to turn to, I was forced to sort through my mind with less chill, making me quick to get mad and generally feel bitchier. I love that cannabis can chill me and my mind out.
  3. It was hard to work. This is a multiparter because I work in weed. I write, and I write reviews. Writing is much easier to zone into when I'm high and can sit still. Writing reviews is better when I can actually consume the product.
  4. No munchies. See #1.

My t-break ended because I was out of town and a good friend invited me over to try some new flower she had. We packed a bowl of Red Dragon, and I took the most delightful couple of bong rips from it. Then I topped it off with a 10 mg Space Gem solventless edible.

There's a theory that when you take a t-break, the high will be much more intense when you consume again. I can't say that was the case with me.

I wasn't any higher off that small dosage than I would have usually been. However, I was more aware of the fact that I was high. It felt good. I had the giggles and munchies, and I wanted to tell everyone I was sorry I had been in such a mood.

Making an educated guess, I assume that since I've been smoking a heavy amount of cannabis for 10+ years, I might require more than a week for a complete detox. However, I'm good for right now.

Moving was stressful. I also recently just changed jobs, and I'm really wanting to sit and write. Zone out, and enjoy my new space.

I missed the peace that comes with being high, and I've enjoyed every session since the break ended.

I'll probably work a tolerance break into my life sometime in the next year or two. It did feel good to clear my head for a few days. I think maybe two weeks might be a cool goal.

I'm not sure if it's just because of life changes, I've been learning more about how weed interacts with the body, or maybe a mixture of both, but my relationship with cannabis has changed.

My therapist once told me I have a good and bad relationship with weed: One that brings me income and joy, and the other that's an addiction-like vice. 

I find myself wanting to be intentional in it all.

My best advice to you, whether you think you should take a tolerance break or are forced to do so for whatever reason, is to do the same.

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