Y’all, life is hard sometimes.
We all have days that are up and days that are down. Over the past few weeks, days are mostly up for me, despite the hard shit going on in my life.
I have filed for divorce from my husband after being separated for a year. I have moved into a new apartment, which I freaking love, but it’s expensive. My ex and I are selling our family home, and when I walked in there yesterday morning to leave my key on the counter of an empty house that used to be full of love and laughter, all of the difficult feelings that have managed to hang out on the sidelines hit me like a tidal wave.
The day was full of moodiness. I was disconnected and distracted, unmotivated and unproductive. I cried randomly throughout the day, shared my feelings with my children, and about dinnertime, I finally took a few moments to take a few puffs of the latest local flower to take the edge off0.
Using cannabis for anxiety is really a timeless way of self-medicating. I’m no doctor, but I know it works for me. When I have anxiety and use cannabis, I am able to take a step back and more easily reflect, which allows me to settle into the present moment. Marinating in the present at dinnertime had me giggling with my silly kiddos, cracking jokes, and receiving hugs and love from them. These heartwarming moments could have felt overwhelming if I hadn’t taken those puffs.
After the kiddos went to sleep, I had some quiet time to get a few work things done on the computer. My anxiety didn’t exactly increase (I was on coast mode) but to be honest, I was missing my partner.
We have spent just about every night together over the last few weeks, and I love it. I love falling asleep in his arms and waking up to his warm body lying next to mine. I even love his snores. Seriously, I really do. It’s sweet.
I don’t want to be codependent in a relationship again, though I also recognize that most relationships are going to have a level of codependency. We take care of each other in many ways, and we depend on each other too. (The difference is that we are maintaining our own ideas, personalities, and self love at the same time.) Having said this, when he walked in the door, I felt another sense of relief. Another level of anxiety dissipated with his presence.
Sitting down in the chair next to me, we shared about our day. We talked about the hard things and our worries, and we talked about some direction and some possibilities as well. One thing that I love about conversations with my partner is that he doesn’t try to ‘make everything better.’ He listens, acknowledges, and supports instead.
After a few more puffs of cannabis, we relaxed and settled down into the bed and watched a show on the laptop. Surprisingly we didn’t fall asleep, and after the show, we pulled our bodies toward each other like magnets and settled into our favorite full-body cuddle position, stroking each other's shoulders and backs slowly and gently. “I’m glad you’re here,” I whispered.
“It’s where I belong,” he replied.
It’s amazing how words of love and intention like this can make my body melt into pleasure just as well as a hard and heavy kiss on the mouth.
I moved even closer to him and held him even tighter. I tilted my head up to kiss him while his hand moved up to hold the back of my head in a gentle yet strong embrace. As you may guess, that was the kickstarter to some loving.
We slowly pulled off each other’s undies. He lay me on my side, caressed the curves of my hips and bum, added a little Horny As F*ck CBD lube, and played a bit with where he was going to put his dick before he dove inside my vagina. We pivoted and rolled our hips together in the spoon position, moving at just the right speed to slowly feel each other’s subtle movements while at the same time building the excitement ‘down there’.
He grabbed my top leg and pulled it up to his ear while his ankles lay on top of my other leg. I was sprawled out wide, and he licked his fingers and started rubbing my clit. This sent waves of excitement down through the entire bottom half of my body as I came for him.
He wasn’t done.
He pulled himself out of me, stood on the floor at the side of the bed, and placing his hands around my thighs pulled my body toward his own. “How’s your booty?” he asked. A big smile spread across both of our faces as he added a few extra drops of lube and started playing around my butt with his dick. He slowly started in, and woah, it was tight! He pulled my Rabbit out of the top drawer and slid that inside my vagina so I could enjoy some DP. Once that was vibrating inside me, my booty loosened right up and he started with some gentle thrusting.
I’m not sure if it was the angle or my lack of experience with this kind of thing, but the Rabbit was at a funny angle, so I took it out of my vagina and let it vibrate on my clit instead. “You want the big guns?” he asked, referring to the Magic Wand. Of course I nodded as he traded the Rabbit for the Wand for me. Something about that Wand on my clit while his dick is in my butt makes me come so hard every time. It’s the combination of intense sensations that is so powerful, my entire body shakes, my legs squeeze and straighten, and it’s hard to contain my screams of pleasure.
He stood there, supporting my body at the edge of the bed while I reveled in the pleasure of that orgasm. Once I settled, he lay back down beside me, holding me, stroking my back and shoulders gently, just like how this session got started.
Several things I am grateful for here. I’m grateful that cannabis could calm my anxiety and help me put down some of the weight that had been on my shoulders all day. I’m grateful to have been in the present moment earlier that evening with my kiddos. I’m grateful that my partner feels like he belongs with me - it’s mutual. And I’m very grateful that our honest words and open conversations can lead to a level of intimacy that is truly a horniness-inducing turn on.
All that to say - pro tip - find the right strain of cannabis, whether it’s flower, cart, or edible, that works best with your body to help you take a step back and release the heavy shit of the day. In this way, cannabis can truly open the door to the present moment, intimacy in your relationships, and firey-hot loving. It’ll have you believing in magic.