I’m gonna pause on my typical down-and-dirty stories to talk about something super important here, okay?
There are loads of awkward conversations that need to be had, especially when you are in an intimate relationship. This is not a one-time thing, but an ongoing commitment to being straightforward with the people you surround yourself with. New relationships require the utmost honesty about every aspect of life, and your sexual relationship is priority numero uno.
When I started having sex with a new partner, desire was the driving factor. I wanted to fuck this man so much I could barely stand to look at him, and when I did, my panties ended up soaked. Literally. But it all started with an honest conversation on my porch.
He came over one night after a few beers, and though I was unsure of what his response was going to be, I explained that I had the hots for him. I also shared about how my husband and I had been in a rut for years, that we had talked about what we wanted from each other, and how we had discussed the option of having an open marriage - having sex with other partners in order to spice things up for ourselves. I shared how none of those things ever happened in my marriage (not on my end anyway - insert eye-roll here) and I was still interested in having a more exciting sex life with someone I felt strongly attracted to, i.e. him.
This half-drunk TMI conversation that I was terrified to have led to a later, more reasonable conversation about how we had both been really attracted to each other for a long time. We were both surprised at how much we really wanted each other!
Our first sexual encounter happened not long after that. We tore each other’s clothes off and fucked for an incredible hour. We looked at each other’s bodies, exploring how each other’s skin felt under our fingers, and how blissful it felt with his dick in my pussy.
The first few times we hooked up involved a lot of exploring, and a lot of conversations about what we like, what we felt comfortable with, and what feels good to us. Neither one of us made any assumptions (unless you count the surprise adult toys that he bought to try out with me, but I was plenty fine with those assumptions.)
These conversations are sometimes nerve-wracking and uncomfortable, especially when you’re not used to laying it all out there to another human, especially someone that you are in love with and that you want to love you back.
When I consume cannabis in most forms, I feel relief from the anxiety that can sometimes prevent me from saying what I truly feel. I can feel grounded in my truths, relaxed, and even brave enough to say the things that I need to say, things that I may have otherwise held back on.
The subject matter of the conversation is not a concern when I’m high. Even a strong CBD tincture can relax me enough to remove the nerves and the jitters, allowing me to get out the words that need to be spoken.
Unlike alcohol which can numb these feelings and sometimes push my truths deeper into my back pocket, (not to mention create a rambling of emotions in a way that I forget what my point was even supposed to be when I started talking), cannabis is the deep breath before doing the brave thing. It’s the pause before something heavy or controversial comes out of my mouth. It’s the elevator that brings my truth to the surface.
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I can talk about how I feel vulnerable because of the intensity of my feelings for him. I can tell him that I feel nervous when he spends time with his ex-wives. I can tell him that I liked the way it felt when he had his hands on my neck when we were fucking and that I want him to slap my ass when he’s behind me. Most of these things I wouldn’t have said in any previous relationship, and I may have kept to myself now if I had stayed so wound up about what he might think when I said them.
Both of us have been going through complicated times in our lives in more ways than one, and our relationship stays grounded through honest conversation. Personally, I feel liberated finally feeling confident enough to share everything from the struggles of going through a divorce to my moments of poor parenting, and even the embarrassing shadow points like when I feel jealous of the women he hangs out with. I am confident in sharing how I feel about sex in general, what I want out of a session, positions and spots that I like, and how it feels when he touches me in a way that I love or in a way that’s not my favorite.
It all comes out.
This is the framework that shapes our relationship. I’m done pretending to feel any sort of way in anticipation of how my feelings might make someone else feel, and so is he. Life is short, we are old, and there’s not enough time to go on making assumptions, hiding shit, or pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. There’s also not enough time in this life to be having sex that you’re not enjoying.
Cannabis helps me share my truths, which therefore helps me to be me. It allows me to feel my feelings in the present moment instead of projecting all the ‘what-ifs’ about the future into my current mindset.
The incredible result is that my relationship feels stronger, the sex I’m having is incredibly pleasurable, and I’m more in touch with myself than I would be otherwise.
I say all this to say: cannabis-induced honest conversations are breaking down the walls that I’ve built around myself. I feel emboldened and transformed, allowing myself to release anxiety and worry. This relax-and-release method is helping to transform myself into the person that I want to be, the person that I’ve always been on the inside.
In this way, I believe that cannabis could truly change the energy of the whole world if we’d let it. I hope it can inspire you to change your world for the better too.