So if you’ve been reading Oh, Oh, Honestly, you’ve figured out that coming into a more sexual and free version of myself has involved a bit of external drama.
Ok, a lot a bit.
There have been major life changes in coming into my true self and building a new relationship with a new partner. It has been an incredible journey over the past year, and it has also been challenging in a variety of ways.
Sometimes those days catch up with me, and yesterday was one of those days.
I often use cannabis in a variety of forms to help me and my anxiety coast more easily through the roller coaster of life. CBD tinctures have been a favorite of mine, especially in the mornings. (In the evenings, I honestly prefer more THC too… if you know what I mean.)
Mello, the same company that produces the Mello Bottoms suppositories that I talked about here, also produces a full-spectrum CBD tincture called Mello Mind. It’s 100 percent natural and water soluble, so it dissolves into any food or drink easily and can even be used as a topical to absorb right through your skin.
Typically, I enjoy a tincture to be unflavored because I love the natural taste of cannabis, but to be completely honest, the taste of this one is not my fave. It’s a bit strong for me, but thankfully I put it right into my breakfast shake and it works out great.
So as I was saying, yesterday was a challenging emotional day for me, as had been the day and a half prior. Instead of my usual half a dropper of Mello Mind, I put a full one into my shake before heading to see my therapist.
Quick note - my therapist is my hero, and I think everyone should have one.
Since that CBD allowed me to slow down my racing thoughts a bit, I was able to properly verbalize and share the concerns that were on my mind. My therapist practices a technique called brainspotting to help people process stuck emotions. While doing this work, I stared at the end of a pointer and was able to connect into my body and mind. While speaking and thinking through the heavy emotions, the CBD helped me to have the awareness to feel how I felt in my body as the energy moved through me. I thought this lasted about 10 minutes, and was shocked when she said I sat there and processed for almost 40 minutes! There’s no way I would have been able to do that without the CBD. Seriously.
After that session, I felt better. And not just a little bit. I felt like a new person, or like I was entering a new day! I went home, peeled off my slummy-looking sweats, and took a second shower to wash all the icky feelings away. I was really feeling great in my body, and decided that I needed to reward myself with an orgasm.
Walking over to my bed, I grabbed my favorite toy, the Magic Wand, and put a little drop of lube right onto my clit. I turned the Wand up (setting 2 is just the perfect vibration for me) and rubbed it around for approximately 73 seconds before I had an orgasm. Damn, I needed that!
I lay there on the bed for a few minutes, naked, letting the good vibes sink into my entire body. When I got back up, I put on an actual proper leave-the-house outfit, and was in an entirely different mindset than when I started the day.
I got out my laptop and got to work, had a productive afternoon, and enjoyed a fun evening making paper Christmas ornaments with my kiddos. If I hadn’t have had the CBD to relax me before my therapy session, I may not have been able to process my emotions so completely. It could have been another day of a clammy, tight body and a mind racing around with no focus to be productive.
Mello Mind really did what it was intended to do, and paired with therapy (and an orgasm), I swear I’m a better person for it.