There were many things I wasn’t allowed to do, or even talk about, growing up in the Deep Bible Belt South. Living in “Y’all ain’t from around heeere, are ya?” territory, it was the norm for teens, especially young women, to be shamed by parents for even showing interest in flirting with boys, talking about sex, wearing shirts that allowed a peep of a midriff, planning future palm tree tattoos, or getting caught smoking pot with the neighborhood kids.
Instead of becoming the perfect daughter, I learned to keep my mouth shut and hide these parts of myself. When I didn’t hide them well enough, my mother would be horrified. She’d ask what was wrong with me, and wonder out loud how she could fix me.
I didn’t realize the gravity of this pain until after getting married, multiple long-distance moves, and having a child that was ready for preschool.
I chose to enroll my son in a preschool that practiced conscious discipline – a discipline model that encourages a deep understanding of how the words and actions of adults can deeply affect children. The school required each participating parent to read Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey. That book kickstarted a journey of self-reflection which changed everything.
Fellow parents and I shared many of the same teenage experiences. As adults, we were all learning a lot about ourselves and our upbringing. None of us had realized that we’d been shamed for being ourselves. We didn’t realize how that had prevented us from speaking our truths.
That book created a domino effect of eagerness to read, meditate, journal, and discover my truth. I’ve been reading (and LOVING) as many spiritual self-help books as I can for 5 or 6 years now, trying to figure out who I am as a mother, as a wife, as a writer, and as an individual.
I’ve learned more about myself in the last 5 years than I ever knew in the prior 34.
It’s been hard to shake the generational pain of having to fit into someone else’s idea of what is or is not appropriate for you. It’s hard to speak up when you know your truth is going to make waves. It’s hard to admit your feelings when you know they are going to hurt others. Being yourself comes at a price. I’m ready to pay it.
Over recent months, I’ve been experiencing the most massive shift in my sense of self. I stopped sweeping my truths under a rug or brushing them off as what life is supposed to look like. I chose to quit bottling my own feelings for fear of being judged or hurting someone else. Honoring myself is more important.
I’ve left a marriage, grown a business, released a lot of control around ‘mommin’ (allowing that to flow more organically), and gained a new partner
Coming into myself, I’ve realized how important it is that we have more honest conversations about some of these subjects. When we talk about things, we can reduce the stigma, the fear, the hurt. We can motivate others to discover their own truths and celebrate whatever it is that feels good to them and their bodies.
And you know what feels good to me?
Liberating myself in the bedroom and allowing myself to receive raw sexual pleasures in a way that I’ve never felt before. Combine cannabis with these incredible sex sessions and my inhibitions are removed even further. I finally get to be the sexual being that I’ve always been on the inside, and feel fucking good about it! This freedom allows me to connect more deeply to myself and my partner. It allows me to experience long overdue pleasure.
Oh, Oh, Honestly couldn’t have been written by a teenage Randee, or even by Randee a year ago, because I hadn’t realized how much of my personal truth had been suppressed by my Southern upbringing. The time has come for my own unshackling, and I feel compelled to share my stories and experiences in hope that you will feel empowered to do what makes you feel good. Your desire to feel pleasure in your body and in your mind is valid, no matter your background or how you were raised. You deserve to feel good!
Join me in discovering intensely passionate sex, how cannabis can drive that passion, and which products are mind-blowing orgasm-inducing must-haves for your top drawer.
Honest sex and casual cannabis use can truly be transformative experiences, and I hope my sharing can inspire you to overcome any thoughts that no longer serve you and to be the badass pleasure-loving guru that you know you want to be!
